Sep 26, 2014

—Freedom. (Brandon)

—The opportunity to pick their switch. (Mike)

—Health care, for some reason. (Joe)

—A lunch. (There is no such thing.). (Dan)

—Anything followed by the words "covered in scabies." (Matt)

—Wendy's "chili rats". (Jameson)

—Horse testicles in the mail. (Vastly prefer paying for fresh at farmer's market.). (Brandon)

—A hands-free handjob. (Matt)

—Text message updates of every location where Joe Biden poops. (Mike)

—Newborns. (Jameson)

—A punch in the neck. (Brandon)

—A punch in the dink. (Dan)

—Tickets to a screening of The Delta Force starring an orangutan. No, wait, it's still Chuck Norris. There was just a movie poster with his shirt off and I got confused for a second. (Matt)

—God's love. (Mike)

—Parenting advice, believe you me. (Joe)

—Vouchers to be applied to the purchase of credits which shall only be used for the purpose of accumulating certificates which guarantee the holder full refunds of all purchases in the form of vouchers. (Matt)

—Macroeconomics textbooks. Even Mankiw's Principles of Economics! Can you believe it?! (Mike)

—Minnesota Twins tickets. (Matt)

—Rubber bullets and tear gas. (Jameson)

—Air. Oh, am I wrong? I just assumed that if you were enough of a dick to complain about getting a free album from the world's biggest band with a few strings attached, you might also hate free air. (Matt)

—McLean Stevenson's used underwear. (I learned this the hard way.). (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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