POOP READING
Aug 29, 2014

It's been a little over six months since Jay Leno stepped down as host of The Tonight Show. Last week, he appeared on the Emmy Awards to present the award for Outstanding Comedy Series, and as always, he continues to do stand-up, but how else has he been keeping busy since he left late night?

Things Jay Leno Has Been Doing Lately

—Finding random guys on Craigslist and stealing their dream jobs. (Jameson)

—Making your aunt sad that he's not still on television. (Dan)

—Combining his two true loves by attempting to build the world's first denim automobile. (Joe)

—Crashing the Emmys and making it seem as though he was invited to present an award. (Matt)

—I thought I saw a policeman riding on his back, but it turned out the cop was on a horse. (Brandon)

—Spending time with his family... of cars. (Dan)

—Performing his stand-up routines as part of the interrogation process for suspected terrorists. (Matt)

—Pitching a TV sitcom based on his character from those 1980s Doritos ads. (Jameson)

—Trying to convince Letterman to let him do a segment called "Jay Walken" where he just walks down the street doing a bad Christopher Walken impression. (Matt)

—Masturbating to Hot Rod magazine. (Dan)

—Not masturbating to pictures of parakeets, if that's what you think you saw. (Matt)

—Didn't he get sent to Cleveland as part of the Kevin Love trade? (Brandon)

—Nightly pissing on Johnny Carson's grave. (Matt)

—Got way intro Brazilian cockfighting after heading down there to watch the World Cup. In fact, if it's possible for a person to be too into Brazilian cockfighting, then there's a chance he might be too into Brazilian cockfighting. (Joe)

—Reclining. Sweet, sweet reclining. (Matt)

—Waiting for someone, ANYONE, to nominate him for the ALS ice bucket challenge. (Dan)

—After making three straight perfect waffles in his new Belgian waffle maker, he has taken to calling himself The Waffle King, in the third person, in any and all conversations. (Matt)

—Watching old Tonight Show footage and realizing how unfunny he was. (Jameson)

—Well, that Collision Course sequel the world's been waiting for certainly isn't writing itself. (Brandon)

—Felching for a cure. (Matt)

—Unsuccessful Google searching for "Leno-influenced comedians". (Dan)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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