POOP READING
May 9, 2014

With both the NBA and NHL in the midst of their playoffs, Major League Baseball well into its regular season, and the NFL Draft being held this week, there's plenty of opportunities for memorable moments right now. But while sports have a long history of motivational quotes, there are some lines that provide far less inspiration...

Least Inspiring Sports Quotes

—"Let's win one for The Groper!" (Brandon)

—"Halftime's just two quarters away!" (Jameson)

—"It ain't over til it's over. Or til we put in Stan. You suck, Stan." (Joe)

—"When I tell you to give 110%, I mean you give 100% of what you have, and 10% more from a hobo whose blood you stole while he was passed out." (Mike)

—"Let's take it three games at a time, because we'll probably lose at least two of them." (Dan)

—"You gotta give it your all! You also have to refrain from farting in the huddle so much!" (Matt)

—"I'd just like to remind everyone that regardless of what happens tonight, the catering service will be serving taquitos after the game." (Brandon)

—"Did I leave my jacket at your house?" (Jameson)

—"With the second pick in the 1998 NFL Draft, the San Diego Chargers select: Ryan Leaf, quarterback, Washington State University." (Joe)

—"If you fail, you can probably still be a spokesman for Wrangler." (Mike)

—"Win, or I'll punch you in the throat." (Dan)

—"Do it for Kathy Lee Gifford!" (Matt)

—"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him SINK A THREE-POINTER! For Christ's sake, at least get the rebound! Did anyone on this team come to PLAY BASKETBALL?!?!!" (Jameson)

—"Let's just do everything we can to avoid showing up on one of those Marv Albert blooper reels, okay?" (Brandon)

—"Come on guys! Let's go! At least there's no Asians on our team!" (Dan)

—"Let's make this point spread disappear like Malaysia Airlines Flight 370!" (Jameson)

—"I think we can all agree it was a mistake to play the first half without shoes. My bad." (Brandon)

—"Play hard! You know, unless you're tired." (Mike)

—"Let's all unfollow @pattonoswalt!" (Jameson)

—"There's only one thing we need to do to win this game, and that's– wait a second, who was that guy that played Sal in Do the Right Thing? Did you say Danny Ainge? No? You said Danny Aiello? Okay, the consensus seems to be that it was Danny Aiello. So anyway, uh... I was saying... ahh dammit." (Brandon)

—"Let's just get this over with." (Dan)

—"Whites only." (Jameson)

—"Go Vikings!" (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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