POOP READING
Feb 21, 2014

According to a study published this week in the Journal of Physical Activity & Health, in addition to getting regular exercise as they age, people need to spend less time sitting. Researchers found that for every hour of sedentary behavior, the odds were 46% greater that people older than 60 would have some disability in ordinary skills such as getting around the house and feeding themselves. And the negative possibilities don't stop there...

Additional Risks of Sitting Too Much

—Bedsores that contract Type II diabetes. (Mike)

—Ass dislocation. (Matt)

—Strong correlation with dangerously high French onion dip intake. (Tenessa)

—If you spend too much time flipping channels on TV, you might accidentally see a NUDE. (Brandon)

—Your scores on Dance Dance Revolution really take a hit. (Jameson)

—You won't stand for anything. (Dan)

—Increased chance for a lot of extra work to get dumped onto your lap. Can't dump extra work onto something that's not there, can you? (Joe)

—On the rare occasion that you are standing, your wife won't recognize you, will mistake you for an intruder, and taze your lazy ass. (Mike)

—Less likely to achieve a healthy daily amount of curtseying. (Brandon)

—You are putting yourself at additional risk of tearing your thumb's ICL (iPhone Cruciate Ligament). (Mike)

—Good chance your regular pants could become assless through excessive wear and tear. (Brandon)

—Increased risk of memorizing all the characters on The Young and the Restless. (Jameson)

—Your ass might permanently close and send farts up through your mouth. It's science. (Mike)

—Increased odds of wastin' time. (Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay only.) (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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