POOP READING
Dec 6, 2013

This week, researchers at the University of Kentucky published the results of a study that found that rats who were fed diets low in vitamin D for a long period of time developed damage to their brains, and performed poorly in cognitive functioning tests for learning and memory compared to rats fed a normal diet. But that's just one of many troubling problems related to low vitamin D levels...

Other Side Effects of Vitamin D Deficiency

—Sudden craving to drink Sunny D, even though everybody knows it gives you rabies. (Brandon)

—Saying "I'd hit that" while at the petting zoo with your kids. (Matt)

—Becoming very flustered when the films of Mr. Bill Paxton are mentioned. (Jameson)

—When your spouse asks, "What are you making for dinner?" you say, "Slurven fops." (Mike)

—Increased difficulty in going along with this charade that anybody anywhere actually gives one single solitary shit about Miley Cyrus. (Joe)

—Pork hands. (Brandon)

—Constant urge to yell at your iTunes Genius function because it's so goddamned pretentious! (Matt)

—One or more superfluous eyebrows. (Jameson)

—Inability to program websites for the government. (Mike)

—You suddenly find that you know roughly 25% less karate than you used to. And if you started out knowing zero karate, then it gets into some pretty dangerous territory. (Joe)

—Chronic pit stains, though on the plus side, they all look like Tom Selleck. (Matt)

—"Chimney Eyes" (Jameson)

—Desire to eat Vitamin D-proficient rats to "catch up on your Vitamin D." (Mike)

—Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith's commentaries on ESPN's First Take are starting to make a lot of sense to you. (Brandon)

—Hairy poop. (Matt)

—Inability to merge in traffic at speeds exceeding 5mph. (Jameson)

—Insane levels of attention to your adult child's Facebook page. (Mike)

—Restless leg syndrome, up to and including the leg packing a bag and leaving you and the kids in the middle of the night. (Jameson)

—You spend a lot of time lamenting that they never play "Graduation (Friends Forever)" on the radio anymore. (Wait, I'm sorry; that's a side effect of Vitamin C deficiency) (Joe)

—Saying things like "What can I do y'for?" (Jameson)

—Anytime you try to watch Argo, all you can see on screen is a fat guy eating a sandwich. (Brandon)

—"Farmer's lungs", also known as "Weatherman's elbow". (Jameson)

—I can't remember. Oh no! (Mike)

—You actually trust the findings of a bunch of hillbilly professors at the University of Kentucky. (Matt)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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