Aug 30, 2013

—White women. (Matt)

—Listen to Whitesnake. (Mike)

—Have a baby. (Dan)

—Buy, and eat, a Labrador. (Jameson)

—Wear that skin suit you made from all those girls you kidnapped and threw into your basement pit (Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs only). (Brandon)

—Sext a young lady a picture of your cock hanging out of your slacks, as opposed to your shorts. (Joe)

—End your summer poop hiatus. (Matt)

—Mathematically eliminate the Vikings from Super Bowl contention. (Mike)

—Avoid any movie with the word "triumph" anywhere on the poster. (Jameson)

—Continue to pretend you know what "twerking" is whenever young people bring it up. (Joe)

—Start counting the days 'til Columbus Day. (October 14th!) (Brandon)

—Stockpile guns, bibles, and Larry the Cable Guy DVDs for the coming Obamacare-ocalypse. (Matt)

—Draft Arian Foster and RG3 in fantasy football, using fellow fantasy players' over-hyped concerns about injuries and durability to score those elite players cheap! (Joe)

—Switch to the phrase, "Like brown on rice... because, you know, it's healthier." (Mike)

—Declare your candidacy for national elections that are still at least 30 months away. (Jameson)

—Start covering your midriff at work again. (Matt)

—Watch The Crazy Ones starring Robin Williams, new this fall on CBS: America's Most Watched Network! [Sponsored joke] (Brandon)

—Go on a rant about how today's music and pop culture is overly sexualized and detrimental to today's youth. Because for the love of Christ, we know that nobody's ever done that before. (Joe)

—Hold cucumbers up to your pants at the grocery store while saying, "Nope, still not big enough." (Matt)

—Quit working. (Mike)

—Get a job. (Hippie!) (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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