POOP READING
Mar 29, 2013

Mad Men star Jon Hamm has been in the news recently for the, uh, size of his package, as he was reportedly asked to wear underwear under his suits for the show, and has been photographed in public with a noticeable bulge. And in this week's issue of Rolling Stone, Hamm says he's tired of all the jokes and media attention about it. But we've never heard how Jon Hamm's penis feels about all of this. Until now...

Complaints of Jon Hamm's Penis

—Waiting on pins and needles to find out if the Supreme Court will allow it to marry its gay lover. (Jameson)

—Underwear doesn't come with toddler-leg-sized cock pouches. (Matt)

—Has never had a chance to see for himself what all the fuss is about with Christina Hendricks. (Brandon)

—To achieve period authenticity, Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner insisted upon plastic surgery to add foreskin. (Mike)

—The Walking Dead has been extremely underwhelming after a promising first season. (Joe)

—All this attention ruins the chance anyone will ever take its unsold screenplay seriously. (Jameson)

—Indiana made no halftime adjustments to deal with Syracuse's zone. (Mike)

—Sure, everyone likes to joke about four-hour erections, but what they don't know is that one killed his best friend penis. (Brandon)

—Lack of depth perception makes watching 3D movies pretty pointless. (Jameson)

—Hamm's left testicle is a real jag. (Mike)

—Paul Thomas Anderson never returned his calls about appearing in the final scene of Boogie Nights. (Brandon)

—The legroom in coach is a fucking joke. (Jameson)

—1960s underwear does not breathe. (Mike)

—No matter how big you are, every chick still calls you Little Jon. (Matt)

—Every other goddamn part of Jon Hamm gets to be on Mad Men. (Jameson)

—One more ambush cockpunch during a break on set and John Slattery's gonna get a very unique Wet Willie. (Brandon)

—Every time Hamm is around a picture of Coretta Scott King, there's guaranteed to be at least an hour of merciless flogging. (Jameson)

—Can't believe NBC moved Smash to Saturdays. (Mike)

—Successful horses with huge cocks are put out to pasture to stud. Successful actors? They get scolded by some costume design intern about bulges ruining the flow of the inseam. (Matt)

—Voted for Romney; Hamm voted for Obama. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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