POOP READING
Jul 13, 2012

Everyone knows old sayings like "Step on a crack, break your mother's back" or "An apple a day keeps the doctor away", but there's a whole world of aphorisms out there waiting to be discovered...

Lesser-Known Rhyming Aphorisms

—"Poop in a stream, kill former Atlanta Braves first baseman Sid Bream." (Brandon)

—"If the vagina smells funky, she might be a monkey." (Tenessa)

—"Keep your body taut, to help you cop a twat." (Dan)

—"You could violate a kid with a can of Sterno, and still mum's the word for Joe Paterno." (Joe)

—"Brush those crumbs off of your sleeve, or you'll end up like Christopher Reeve." (Jameson)

—"Had a little too much booze? Sounds like a good time to marry Tom Cruise!" (Mike)

—"Short guys named Tex always crave armpit sex." (Matt)

—"Staging a Civil War puppet show will not change your menstrual flow." (Brandon)

—"Classy homes have nice amenities, classy broads give head to Kennedys." (Joe)

—"There are eight known ways to prevent death, but the main one is 'don't do meth.'" (Jameson)

—"If the water's Honduran, it's probably urine." (Old, white grandmothers only) (Mike)

—"One plus two may equal three, but to have an orgy you'll need another invitee." (Matt)

—"To aid you in the event of a jam, always keister some ground lamb." (Brandon)

—"Pick a smarter running mate, or suffer John McCain's fate." (Jameson)

—"A rub down for John Travolta will likely turn to somethin' revolta." (Mike)

—"Nothing goes with beautiful flowers like steaming hot golden showers." (Matt)

—"Got too many delicious franks? Save a few for Tom Hanks!" (Brandon)

—"Watch out for Liesl; she's a Nazi-kissing weasel." (Von Trapp family only) (Tenessa)

—"If by chance you run a red light, then by god, you'd better be white." (Jameson)

—"You can tell it's almost spring when the air smells of Larry King." (Matt)

—"You will always be a loner if Donatella Versace gives you a boner." (Brandon)

—"Don't buy yourself an inkjet printer; save your money, be a renter." (Jameson)

—"Wipe front-to-back, you're on the right track. Wipe back-to-front, get poop in your–" [Sorry. This is too much even for us here at PoopReading.com. Rest assured we'll all be doing some soul-searching over the next couple of days.] (Joe)

—"If attention is what you wish to command, nothing beats holding your dick in your hand." (Matt)

—"If you ever get the chance, attend a funeral minus pants." (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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