Poop Reading - NFL 2011

POOP READING

NFL 2011 - Week 14

by Joe Mulder

Last week: 10-6

Overall: 78-92-6

Looks like a .500+ record over a full season might have to wait 'til next year.

Anyway, you get one sentence per game this week, because I've pretty much hit the wall.

Browns @ STEELERS -14

I forgot to make this pick, but there's really no way I wouldn't have picked the Steelers, so I've picked the Thursday game wrong again, as is my wont.

COLTS @ Ravens -16.5

Indianapolis covered a 20.5-point spread against one of the two best teams (New England) in the AFC last week, so let's say they'll cover a 16.5-point spread against the other one.

Texans @ BENGALS -3

Both teams are fighting for their lives, but the Bengals will be hungrier; they desperately need to win the rest to beat the Texans, Rams and Cardinals to make the playoffs, because we all know they're going to lose to the Ravens again in Week 17.

RAIDERS @ Packers -11

I smell an upset... or at least a Carson Palmer garbage time TD pass that makes it, say, Packers 41 Raiders 34.

Chiefs @ JETS -10.5

The Jets must have been good this year because Santa brought them a five-game stretch against the Bills, Redskins, Chiefs, Eagles and Giants.

VIKINGS @ Lions -10

If nothing else has been satisfying for Vikings fans this year – and it hasn't – at least they get to watch their boys stick a fork in Detroit's season on Sunday.

Saints @ TITANS +3.5

It would give the AFC South some rare down-to-the-wire drama (the Colts normally have that division sewn up by now) if the Titans could pull this one out, but I don't think it's gonna happen.

EAGLES @ Dolphins -3

Pittsburgh's Antonio Brown might have single-handedly knocked me out of the fantasy football playoffs on Thursday night; I'd sure love a blockbuster performance by a returning Michael Vick to knock me back in.

PATRIOTS @ Redskins +9

This line seems bizarrely low; if I didn't know better I'd think it was possible that some of these oddsmakers know more than I do.

Falcons @ PANTHERS +3

Not sure why; just trust me, because apart from my lousy record in picking games I've given you no reason no to.

Buccaneers @ JAGUARS +2

Yeesh; I wouldn't be surprised if both teams got together in secret before kickoff and agreed to all just pretend they'd actually played this game.

49ERS @ Cardinals +3.5

The Cardinals have actually won four out of their last five, but that one loss was to the 49ers.

Bears @ BRONCOS -3.5

Believe it or not, this is only Tim Tebow's second Sunday home start of the season; expect the place to go batshit.

BILLS @ Chargers -7.5

This game is actually going to be blacked out down here in Southern California, so somebody's going to have to let me know what happens (or don't; these teams are a combined 1-11 in their last 12 games, so it's not like what happens is all that important).

Giants @ COWBOYS -3.5

If only because one of these teams will have to at least stumble ass-backwards into managing not to blow this game.

Rams @ SEAHAWKS -4.5

Had to dig around to find a line on this one because the Rams' quarterback situation is up in the air, but "The Situation" himself may as well pay QB for St. Louis because the Seahawks are going to wipe the floor with them.

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NFL 2011 - Week 14