Poop Reading - Things Overheard at the Royal Wedding

Things Overheard at the Royal Wedding

—"This is a really lavish event. I'm surprised I didn't hear about it sooner!" (Jameson)

—"No, Mr. Trump, I don't know if anyone has ever actually seen the Queen's birth certificate..." (Brandon)

—"Can anyone spot the ugly, already-married woman who William really wants to marry?" (Mike)

—"I'm surprised Prince William is letting the media cover this event, since they killed his mom and all." (Joe)

—"Wait... did you mean family jewels, or 'family jewels'?" (Tenessa)

—"I have to say, I was not expecting that face-painting tent to be here." (Jameson)

—"It seems they've waited to consummate the marriage; notice how the royal tuxedo pants are 'tenting' with anticipation." (Joe)

—"I had no idea Sir Mix-a-Lot was actually knighted." (Brandon)

—"They couldn't get one Beatle? I mean, I know there are only two left, but come on – they couldn't get one??" (Joe)

—"The reception buffet is out of li'l smokies!" (Mike)

—"Now watch closely as the Royal Bouquet Tossing Guard assembles... truly something to behold." (Jameson)

—"After all that speculation about who was going to do Kate's wedding gown, I'm surprised she ended up going with Dress Barn." (Joe)

—"'Candle in the Wind', Elton? REALLY?" (Tenessa)

—"Can I get a doggie bag for this?" (Jameson)

—"William, Kate... do be a dear and move out of the way so I can get a picture of Posh Spice." (Joe)

—"I'm sorry, let me clarify – I was literally asking if Bob's your uncle." (Brandon)

—"It's good to see Harry getting another opportunity to wear his Nazi outfit." (Jameson)

—"Wow... so much horse poop." (Joe)

—"Can you believe the Minnesota Vikings drafted Christian Fucking Ponder?" (Mike)

—"Her Majesty wishes to dance to Strokin' by Clarence Carter." (Joe)

—"Somebody tweet this!" (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner