POOP READING
Apr 1, 2011

AMC and Matthew Weiner, the creator of the critically-acclaimed TV show Mad Men, finally reached an agreement this week after a prolonged contract negotiation over the continuation of the series. AMC reportedly demanded that Weiner cut six characters from the show and shorten the running time of the episodes, and apparently, the network's requests didn't stop there...

Additional Changes AMC Wanted to Make to Mad Men

—To boost ratings, the name of the show should be changed to Two and a Half Mad Men. (Brandon)

—The six characters who are cut from the show should be replaced by sassy robots. (Tenessa)

—Enough of this "past" bullshit – have next season be set in the future! (Joe)

—Peggy Olson's name should be changed to Peggy Molson. Then, she should meet and marry a character named Jerry Ice, and choose to hyphenate her last name. (Mike)

—One – just one! – prop, costume, or set that doesn't have to be custom-fabricated by hand or purchased from an antique dealer for period accuracy. (Jameson)

—Keep the show set in the 1960s, but instead make it about middle-aged grocery baggers at a Piggly Wiggly in Boaz, AL. (Matt)

—Characters should make references to other AMC shows through lines like "Man, you look like The Walking Dead!" and "Boy, your luck is really Breaking Bad." (Brandon)

—Daniel Stern should provide a thoughtful voice-over to help the audience learn a valuable lesson from each show. (Tenessa)

—Focus less on 1960s advertising executives, more on good-looking middle-aged people who use science to investigate and solve crimes. (Joe)

—Special episode in which the staff of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce meets the Harlem Globetrotters. (Mike)

—A little sideboob once in a while never hurt any show's ratings. (Jameson)

—The show should henceforth be called Mad About Men, and center around a new gay male secretary played by Paul Reiser. (Matt)

—The show is set in New York – why aren't there any colorful characters who go around shouting "Eyyhh, fuhgeddaboudit!"? (Brandon)

—Each episode should open with a catchy theme song sung by Rebecca Black. (Tenessa)

—Creation of a four-week arc for a lovable Alien Life Form that has a penchant for eating cats. (Mike)

—A walk-on from Dr. Andrew Baird, Jon Hamm's far more enjoyable character from 30 Rock. (Jameson)

—Skip ahead a couple of years in the story so AMC can purchase used period costumes from That '70s Show on the cheap. (Brandon)

—There should be an adorable preschooler who interjects the darnedest comments at the darnedest times! (Tenessa)

—Spinoff: Hangin' with Mr. Bert Cooper. (Mike)

—Replace John Slattery with a smoke monster, for additional viral fan appeal. (Jameson)

—All of the white characters should now be black. (Matt)

—In order to land a product placement deal with Skoal, all characters should try to look sexy while spitting into spittoons rather than look sexy while smoking cigarettes. (Tenessa)

—To save money, the next season of the show should be shot with infants in all the main roles and called Mad Babies. (Jameson)

—Christina Hendricks' character should fall in lesbian love with her identical twin. And that should be the entire show. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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