Poop Reading - Ways Your Cell Phone is Affecting Your Brain

Ways Your Cell Phone is Affecting Your Brain

—Increased use is associated with inexplicable cravings for Diet Dr. Pepper. (Mike)

—It has tricked you into thinking everyone on Facebook wants to read about your sandwich. (Tenessa)

—Instead of eating food, your insist upon "charging" yourself with your phone's charger. (Matt)

—Lately you've found yourself wanting to have more fun, while simultaneously wanting to Wang less Chung. (Joe)

—Didn't you just buy a DVD box set of Suddenly Susan? (Brandon)

—It has created the belief that, even after activating the speakerphone function, you must still hold the phone five inches from your face while walking or driving, and thereby look like a complete cretin. (Jameson)

—Makes you want to give a blow job to Steve Jobs (iPhone users only). (Mike)

—You told your mom that you thought John McCain has spectacular tits. (Matt)

—You're now convinced that Charlie Sheen is making some valid points. (Joe)

—All of your emotions have been replaced with emoticons. (Tenessa)

—You start saying things like, "You know what, I think this is the Clippers' year!" (Mike)

—On several occasions, you've tried to set up your Blackberry with your old rotary phone because you thought they'd make a cute couple. (Matt)

—Whenever everyone speaks, no matter who it is, you hear them in the voice of Edward James Olmos. (Joe)

—What do you mean? My telephonic transmitter isn't affecting my brainpan one bit, you fustilarian mollygrub! (Tenessa)

—Reverses magnetic field in your cerebral cortex, causing left-brained people to become right-brained and vice versa. This really wreaks havoc for Americans who have rented a car in England. (Mike)

—You refuse to acknowledge anything your toddler says because he hasn't texted it to you. (Matt)

—You've pulled your children out of school and are now teaching them an alternate version of modern U.S. history based on reruns of The West Wing. (Joe)

—Anytime someone talks to you, you respond only by saying "DROID" in a creepy, machine-like voice. (Mike)

—You think Sarah Palin would make an excellent President. (Matt)

—That thing where people stick their tongue out and roll it into a kind of a "taco" shape? You can do that now. (Joe)

—Your upcoming spring break destination? Libya. (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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Ways Your Cell Phone is Affecting Your Brain