POOP READING
Feb 5, 2010

Since November 2009, Toyota Motor Company has recalled more than nine million vehicles that were being affected by faulty floor mats and sticking accelerator pedals. Now there is word that U.S. and Japanese government agencies are investigating claims regarding issues with the brakes on Toyota's Prius model. And the headaches don't stop there...

Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles

—Each window rolls down once and only once. (Mike)

—The 2010 4Runner features 13 additional cup holders – which, sadly, have a tendency to burst into flames. (Tenessa)

—Many anti-theft devices were mistakenly installed as theft devices. (Sean)

—Let's just say the first time you use the odometer reset button will be the last time. (Jameson)

—Owner's manual contains a detailed section on how to execute a sneak attack against Pearl Harbor. (Brandon)

—Accelerator actually makes the car slow down, while brake makes the car go faster. Also, the positions and shapes of the pedals were mistakenly switched. (Joe)

—Word has it that if you look into the rear view mirror of your Highlander and say "There can be only one" three times, a naked and disheveled Christopher Lambert will appear in your back seat and demand that you take him to Arby's. (Brad)

—The Sienna minivan's "Split & Stow" seating has resulted in some misunderstandings. Did I say misunderstandings? I meant grisly infant deaths. (Tenessa)

—For some reason, the factory stereo only picks up Radio Saigon. (Sean)

—Integrated Bluetooth has a tendency to drunk-dial your exes. (Jameson)

—Hoping to appeal to retro sensibilities, Toyota equipped several models with an antique "aaoooogaaah"-style horn. Turns out it's annoying as shit. (Tenessa)

—"Built-in entertainment system" is just a guy who gives vague, second-hand recountings of YouTube videos. (Brandon)

—Objects in the side view mirrors are often farther away than they appear. (Joe)

—Back seat big enough to make a baby, not quite roomy enough to deliver a baby. (Jameson)

—At one plant, every 23rd car is haunted by the ghost of a dead cheerleader. (The townfolk begged 'em not to build on the sacred cheerleader burial ground!) (Tenessa)

—When you shift from AM to FM radio, the car's automatic voice system calls you a liberal pussy. (Mike)

—Recirculated air contains a surprising amount of mustard gas. (Brandon)

—Heated seats have given many female customers a fearsome case of the "lady itch." (Tenessa)

—GPS unit has the voice – and the stubborn homicidal tendencies – of HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey. (Jameson)

—Among hybrid owners, pretentiousness-per-gallon is well under the expected average. (Sean)

—Male customers have complained that the decision to abandon the tilt steering feature has resulted in a 25% decrease in "road head." (Tenessa)

—You ever driven a Toyota? Yeah? And did you ever open the glove compartment? Well, my friend, then you've got swine flu. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Sean Hecht, Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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