Mar 20, 2009

—You choke a random person on the street just so you can feel closer to Bobby Knight. (Mike)

—You keep telling your son that if he doesn't straighten up, he's never going to amount to anything more than a 12 seed. (Brandon)

—Well, for one thing, your February Fanaticism has gotten noticeably worse. (Joe)

—"Gon-ZAGG-a?" "Gon-ZOGG-a?" "Gon-ZAY-ga?" Your restless muttering is keeping your wife awake all night. (Jameson)

—You find yourself unable to order at a restaurant because no one has taken the time to properly seed the appetizers. (Sean)

—You insist upon only eating foods represented by this year's team mascots. (Matt)

—During sex, you call out Mike Krzyzewski's name. (Mike)

—You're dressing in baggy shorts, sleeveless jerseys, and blackface. (Jameson)

—Immediately after filling out your bracket, you cook and eat it. (Joe)

—Your unfounded expectation that sexting Billy Packer would get him to reveal his bracket picks. (Matt)

—You're not sure what The Ides of March means, but you think it has something to do with picking a 15 seed over a 2. (Sean)

—You answer the phone at work with a hearty Dick Vitale "Yes, BABY!!" (Jameson)

—You overhaul your entire wardrobe at considerable expense in an effort to dress more like former University of Alabama coach "Wimp" Sanderson. (Joe)

—You dyed your pubes "Tar Heel Blue." (Matt)

—You can fart the melody to "One Shining Moment." (Mike)

—After sex you tell your wife that she "performed like a 16 seed." (Joe)

—You tromp around the house angrily, bringing your knees to the level of your navel while keeping your toes pointed down...oh, sorry, that's a sign you may be suffering from Mad Marchness. (Sean)

—You're sending your kid to one of those kooky colleges where the students invent their own majors, just so he can get a degree in "Bracketology." (Jameson)

—You pick North Dakota State to reach the Final Four because "white guys are due." (Joe)

—You can't have sex without play-by-play and analysis from Jim Nantz and Clark Kellogg. (Brandon)

—Your antibiotic regimen hasn't quite cleared up that March Syphilis. (Jameson)

—You can't decide whether to tie a half-windsor or a four-in-hand without finding out what Jay Bilas thinks first. (Sean)

—You start referring to your explosive diarrhea as a bracket buster. (Mike)

—You giggle uncontrollably any time anybody mentions the name of Portland State head coach Ken Bone. (Joe)

—You hired an unscrupulous doctor to help you conceive octuplets, just so you can refer to them as the "Elite Eight." (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Sean Hecht, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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