POOP READING
Mar 27, 2009

Last week, NBC Universal CEO Jeff Zucker admitted that his last-place network isn't really trying to return to the top spot in the prime-time TV rankings. It's a long way down from the days when NBC had slogans like "Proud as a Peacock," "Must-See TV," and "America's Late-Night Leader." Instead, the network's marketing gurus are now setting their sights a little lower...

New NBC Slogans

—Still Better Than Talking to Your Wife! (Jameson)

—At Least Our Spectacular Failures Didn't Come with a Bailout! (Mike)

—Turns Out We're the Biggest Loser! (Brad)

—What If We Gave You Another Half-Dozen Law & Orders? Is That Something You Might Be Interested In? (Joe)

—Zuck You, America! (Brandon)

—Television That's Usually On When You Turn It On. (Jameson)

—The Undisputed Leader in Mid-Season Cancellations! (Brad)

—Can Someone Give Us Jerry Seinfeld's Number? (Mike)

—We Have No Idea How Jimmy Fallon Got a Show. It All Happened So Fast... (Joe)

—There's Nothing More Quintessentially American Than Half-Assing It and Phoning It In. (Brandon)

—We Didn't Concede the 10pm Time Slot, We Buried the Motherfucker! (Jameson)

—Watch Our Terrible Programming in HD! (Mike)

—Hey, We're Still Kicking C-Span's Ass. (Brad)

—Let's Not Forget, We're the Ones That Made You Love Mr. T. So It Sounds Like Maybe You Owe Us. (Brandon)

—Keep Flipping! Check Back Later! (Jameson)

—You Can Spell "Awful" Without NBC, But Who Are We Kidding? Why Would You? (Mike)

—Pretty Soon, We're Just Going All Leno. (Joe)

—Don't You Have Something Better to Do Right Now? (Brad)

—My Mom Said These Shows Were Great – Are You Calling My Mom a Liar? (Jameson)

—Seriously Though – How Do You Not Watch 30 Rock? (Joe)

—Surely the Network That Brought You Manimal, Daddio, and ALF Knows What It's Doing. (Brandon)

—No
   Body
   Cares (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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