POOP READING
Feb 6, 2009

Earlier this week, a three-minute audio clip surfaced that featured actor Christian Bale flipping out on the set of his new movie Terminator Salvation. Bale spends the entire clip yelling and cursing at director of photography Shane Hurlbut, who apparently distracted Bale during the filming of a scene. But this was hardly an isolated incident...

Other Things That Will Set Off a Profanity-Laced Tirade From Christian Bale

—The Taco Bell chihuahua. (Jameson)

—Reminding him that the U.S. kicked Britain's ass in the Revolutionary War. (Brad)

—Distracting director of photography Shane Hurlbut while Hurlbut is distracting Bale. (Brandon)

—ODing on prescription meds just to win an Oscar. (Matt)

—Attempting to call "shotgun" before the car is physically in sight. (Joe)

—KFC's insistence that he pay for refills of Mr. Pibb. (Mike)

—People who pronounce it "mis-CHEEV-i-ous" instead of "mischievous." (Jameson)

—The fact that Grape Nuts has neither grapes nor nuts, yet consistently produces traces of both in his stool. (Matt)

—Refusing to leggo his Eggo. (Brandon)

—The mere suggestion that anything else runs like a Deere. (Joe)

—When people claim that they, in fact, do believe it is not butter. (Mike)

—Baby-safe twist tops. (Matt)

—Uncomfortable side effects from his fibromyalgia medicine. (Jameson)

—When the guy ahead of him takes the last of the Horsey Sauce at Arby's. (Matt)

—Talking smack about Queen Elizabeth II. (Brad)

—The lack of any Linda Hamilton nude scenes in Terminator Salvation. (Matt)

—The cancellation of Once and Again. (Jameson)

—Offering to pay him Tuesday for a hamburger today. (Joe)

—The old "Ponce de Leon vs. Fernando Cortes: Who's the greatest conquistador?" debate. (Matt)

—Any time he is reminded of the 1994 Major League Baseball strike. (Jameson)

—Finding out that "having a beef" with someone doesn't mean you'll be going out for steaks at Outback Steakhouse. (Matt)

—Asking "Hey, would you sign this photo of you from The Machinist?" and then handing him a picture of Skeletor from Masters of the Universe. (Brandon)

—Anyone crossing into his eyeline: cinematographers on movie sets, a guy in the next row at a football game, or the kid behind the counter at Blimpie while he's trying to study the menu. (Jameson)

—The use of irregardless, when regardless is the proper word to use in all situations. (Matt)

—Goofball smart-asses who make fun of him on their awesome web site, no matter how unjustly small the readership is. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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