POOP READING
Apr 15, 2016

Monday, April 18th is the 2016 deadline for filing personal tax returns, and as many Americans scramble to get their taxes done, there are a number of mistakes and questionable practices that will probably draw the attention of the IRS...

Reasons Your Tax Return Is Likely to Be Audited

—It was scribbled on the back of a kid's menu from Hooters. (Brandon)

—You attached sixteen pages of itemized deductions, and all of them were Arby's receipts. (Jameson)

—You showed up on the TSA no-fly list, or on Charlie Sheen's list of emergency contacts. (Jameson)

—For each of the last twelve years, you've just sent in your W2 form with your home address crossed out and the words "HE NO LIVE HERE" scrawled on top of the page with a purple crayon (Joe)

—You filed jointly with your dog. (Matt)

—You claimed Louis C.K. as a dependent because you're apparently the only person who actually paid to watch Horace and Pete. (Brandon)

—Well, these days, because you're anywhere to the right of Abbie Hoffman. (Joe)

—While you certainly mentioned it on Facebook, you failed to report the $86,000 you won betting on Mexican cockfighting. (Matt)

—Because you just had to call IRS Commissioner John Koskinen "Cock Skinnin'" back in high school, didn't you? (Brandon)

—You wrote "Not at this time, thanks!" in the blank for the tax you owe. (Jameson)

—The IRS doesn't believe for a second that all those Funyuns are "for work". (Joe)

—You claimed $800 worth of titty tassles as a work expense for your job as a clown for children's birthday parties. (Matt)

—Probably shouldn't have hired that heavyset guy who always sits on the corner stool at your local Boston bar as your accountant. (Brandon)

—You failed to comply with Tax Code 894b: Compensation received from the word-for-word recitation of Richard Dreyfuss's dialog from Jaws must be reported on special form L42 prior to the beginning of Shark Week in the current tax quarter. (Matt)

—Once again listed your address as "467 Fuckobama Ave". (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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