Mar 4, 2016

After winning several states on Super Tuesday, Donald Trump remains the frontrunner in the Republican presidential primaries, and as a result, some of the media coverage surrounding him has turned to the question of whether the GOP can do anything to stop him from winning. But don't you worry, the Republican Party has plenty of ideas...

Ways the Republican Party Plans to Stop Donald Trump

—Build a wall around the polling places and make Trump pay for it. (Joe)

—New requirement that the GOP nominee must be able to palm a basketball. (Jameson)

—They'll just keep saying his penis is small until his head finally explodes. (Tenessa)

—A second Romney speech where he claims he once witnessed Trump eat a fetus while pooping on the Constitution at the reception for a gay wedding. (Brandon)

—High-powered fans wherever he goes. (Matt)

—New RNC Chair John Oliver. (Mike)

—Set up a little tent with a sign that says "Free Chewing Tobacco For All NASCAR and UFC Fans," and when you go into the tent, there's just a bottomless pit that you fall into. That should clear out 99% of Trump's voters. (Joe)

—Circulate a rumor that his first Executive Order will be to scrap the next Star Wars movie. (Jameson)

—Shave a reverse mohawk through his combover. (Brandon)

—The only way anybody has ever stopped his kind: a silver stake through the heart. (Tenessa)

—This sounds batshit crazy, I know, but maybe start telling people why he'd be a bad president? (Joe)

—Giant sheet of gold-plated flypaper right outside the door to his apartment. (Jameson)

—By pointing out his foibles. No wait, his follies! Yeah, follies. Ooo, this is gonna be great! (Matt)

—They should just Ronald Reagan some Ronald Reagan all over Trump's Ronald Reagan, the way Ronald Reagan would have. (Joe)

—In a dramatic TV crossover event with FX's The People vs. O.J. Simpson miniseries, Trump will be revealed as the real killers. (Mike)

—Put a wig, a bra, and some flashy makeup on a pile of dynamite like in the old Bugs Bunny cartoons. (Jameson)

—Zombie Eisenhower! (Joe)

—Duh, just wait 'til he climbs up the Empire State Building and then shoot him down with some fighter jets. (Brandon)

—Slap that border wall together real quick, then drug him and ditch him in Tijuana. (Jameson)

—More sick yoga burns. (Joe)

—Listen. They're gonna stop him, alright? And it's gonna be the best stopping of Trump you've ever seen. There are so many ways—you won't believe all the ways they're gonna stop him. Okay? Got that? You can ask anybody. There's no one greater at stopping things than the Republican Party. (Tenessa)

—Get Jeb to endorse him. (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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