Oct 18, 2013

This week, a study at Connecticut College found that in lab rats, Oreos activated more neurons in the brain’s “pleasure center” than exposure to cocaine or morphine, making it possibly more addictive than those two drugs. Perhaps you or someone you love is already showing symptoms of being hooked...

Signs That You're Addicted to Oreos

—You classify your friends by whether they are "crunchy cookie" or "creamy center". (Mike)

—You peel open your sandwiches, lick out the middle, and then dip your bread in a glass of milk. (Tenessa)

—You go on Jeopardy! and you keep saying "I'll take Oreos for $2,000, Alex," because that's how much you'd actually pay for a sleeve of Oreos if it came down to it. (Joe)

—Despite the fact that you don't even live in Utah, you only vote for Senator Orrin Hatch because his name sounds a little like "Oreo Hat" if you say it with a bunch of Oreos in your mouth. (Matt)

—You went on a five-bag bender and penned a remake of Scarface with Tony Montana as a ruthless Oreo kingpin. (Jameson)

—You bought your wife an Oreo Halloween costume to wear in bed but you wound up just having sex with the costume itself... while eating a box of Oreos... that you also had sex with. (Brandon)

—When you talk about "the big O", you mean Oreos, not orgasms. (Dan)

—You named your first child Double, and your second child Stuff. (Third child: Larry, and he can go to hell.) (Mike)

—Senator Harry Reid hogged the last Oreo at a 4th of July party, so you kept the United States government shut down for two weeks out of spite. (Joe)

—On six different occasions, you've broken into the Oreo factory just to lick the floor. (Matt)

—There's a guy you call when you're out of Oreos and you really need some. And he makes you...do things. (Jameson)

—Your go-to karaoke song is Weird Al's "The White Stuff." (Tenessa)

—You refer to Mrs. Fields cookies as "methadone". (Mike)

—You list the Nabisco Corporation as a dependent on your tax returns. (Joe)

—You were so obsessed with finding an Oreo that fell behind the oven that you didn't even notice that you'd missed three days of work. (Matt)

—You're constantly rubbing cookie dust on your gums after eating them. (Jameson)

—You've bought Oreos across the street from a school. (Dan)

—You actually eat the two black, disc-shaped, cream-holding devices after licking the cream off of them. (Joe)

—Can't write jokes, eating Oreos. (Mike)

—Because you've never actually eaten skunk, you refuse to agree that there's no way it doesn't taste like a triple-layered Oreo. (Matt)

—You're a lab rat, so your pleasure center lights up for anything that breaks the monotony of a tiny plastic cage full of lab-grade rat chow. (Jameson)

—You built a vast criminal empire across the American southwest with the help of one of your former high school students right under the nose of your cop brother-in-law which laid waste to your entire family and way of life, all for a couple of Double Stuffs. (Joe)

—Your teeth look like you've been making out with a jar of Folgers crystals. (Tenessa)

—The Baltimore Orioles are your favorite sports team because, well, close enough. (Brandon)

—Um; you've got a functioning brain and taste buds? (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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