May 10, 2013

Sunday, May 12th is Mother's Day, and husbands everywhere are scrambling for last-minute gift ideas. Unfortunately, not all of those ideas will be successful...

Least Popular Mother's Day Gifts

—Crotchless slacks. (Matt)

—Ten-month-old Fudgie the Whale cake with icing that reads "Happy FaMother's Day!" (Jameson)

—Homemade surf n' turf dinner (couple of Slim Jims and a handful of crab meat). (Brandon)

—A blow job for Daddy on the couch of her choice. (Tenessa)

50 Shades of Gary (parody book featuring cartoon characters drawn by Far Side creator Gary Larson engaged in kinky sex acts). (Joe)

—.99 Cent Store gift card. (Matt)

—Redacted drone program memos. (Jameson)

—A "Team Joffrey" T-shirt. (Tenessa)

—A pet rabbit boiled to death in a hilarious homage to the movie Fatal Attraction. (Brandon)

—A list of home improvement projects and the corresponding sex acts you require in exchange for finishing them. (Matt)

—An essay about the racial subtext of Charles Ramsay's internet notoriety. (Tenessa)

—"Copyright-free" porn. (Jameson)

—A notarized pledge that, going forward, you will always pick up your poop in the backyard. (Matt)

—A copy of Jeremy Roenick's autobiography J.R.: My Life as the Most Outspoken, Fearless, and Hard-Hitting Man in Hockey (Brandon)

—Paternity test results. (Jameson)

—The complete box set of Hogan's Heroes. (Matt)

—Macrame halter top. (Tenessa)

—A sexy picture of Sofia Vergara with a note saying "I think you should get this haircut." (Matt)

—"TRANNY PATROL" T-shirt. (Jameson)

—An edible underwear arrangement. (Matt)

—A tie. (Dan)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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