POOP READING
Feb 24, 2012

With the 84th Academy Awards ceremony coming up this Sunday, Hollywood has been engulfed in a Oscar campaign war, as PR departments try to pimp their nominated talent and films while taking shots at the competition, hoping to somehow win over undecided voters...

Campaign Slogans For and Against This Year's Oscar Nominees

—"von Sy-do Vote for von Sydow!" (Brandon)

—"Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy: The Movie That's Too Good for Commas." (Matt)

—"Okay, Go Ahead and Don't Vote for The Help. I Guess You Just Hate Black People." (Joe)

—"Demi├ín Bichir in A Better Life: Now Mexicans Aren't Just Taking Our Jobs; They're Taking Our Oscars for Playing People Taking Our Jobs!" (Jameson)

—"Sure, You Didn't See Tree of Life, But That Shouldn't Stop You From Smugly Voting for It!" (Mike)

—"Rango: Actual Movie, or Obscure Disease That Killed James Arness?" (Brandon)

—"Who Let a Man into the Best Actress Category? Oh... Sorry, Glenn." (Matt)

—"Yeah, More Like The FART-ist! Vote Hugo!" (Joe)

—"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: If Nothing Else, Let's Celebrate This Thing Finally Being Over!" (Jameson)

—"Moneyball: Only Slightly Less Boring Than Real Baseball." (Matt)

—"Look, If You Give an Oscar to Nick Nolte, You Know It's Gonna Be Sold for Scrap Metal Before the Ceremony's Even Over." (Brandon)

—"Hey, If You Want to Believe That Footnote Is About Kevin Bacon Shaking Up a Small, Conservative Town with His Dazzling and Irreverent Citations, We're Not About to Stop You!" (Jameson)

—"Vote Scorsese: Because You Know You Don't Feel Like You've Truly Made Reparations for That Goodfellas Snub." (Matt)

—"For the Last Time, People: Midnight in Paris Is a Woody Allen Film, A Cat in Paris Is a Goddamn French Cartoon – Let's Not Florida Butterfly Ballot This Thing!" (Brandon)

—"Jessica Chastain: Boobs You Can Believe In." (Matt)

—"Except for Hugo Sound Mixers Tom Fleischman and John Midgley, Every Single 2012 Oscar Nominee Is Banging Your Mom." (Joe)

—"Oh, By All Means, Kudos to Aaron Sorkin for Knowing How to Re-Type the Words From a Book and Call It a Screenplay." (Matt)

—"Bridesmaids: Hey, Why Not Shake Things Up and Vote for a Movie You Actually Enjoyed Watching?" (Jameson)

—"That's Right, Christopher Plummer Is Still Not Dead!" (Matt)

—"Giving Real Steel a Visual Effects Oscar Could Be a Real Steal for Visual Effects Supervisor Erik Nash, Whose Nickname We Can Only Hope Is 'Steel Reel'!" (Brandon)

—"Kung Fu Panda 2: This is What Happens When There Isn't a Good Pixar Film Around." (Matt)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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