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Baron von Funny

Sports

Aug 26, 2011

The National Basketball Association has been embroiled in a lockout since July 1st, as owners and players argue over a new collective bargaining agreement. Many players have taken a proactive approach to staying busy during the time off: Luke Walton has signed on as an assistant coach for the University of Memphis, Blake Griffin is doing an internship at Funny or Die, and Kris Humphries got married. But the players' options certainly don't stop there...

Things NBA Players Can Do to Pass the Time During the Lockout

—Form a human wall to protect the New York City coastline from Hurricane Irene. (Mike)

—Record a video love letter to Emma Stone. Duh. (Tenessa)

—Grow a Hitler mustache and sell some underpants! (Jameson)

—Reach stuff for people. (Joe)

—If there's five of them who are loud and annoying, they could host a TV show that would serve as counterprogramming to The View. (Brandon)

—Well, that weed clearly isn't going to smoke itself. (Mike)

—The GOP presidential race is always looking for new talent! (Jameson)

—Spend some quality time with their kids, and their kids' moms. (Joe)

—Quickie rape trials. (Kobe Bryant only). (Mike)

—I don't really follow basketball, but I've heard "taking your talents to South Beach" is a thing? (Jameson)

—Although there's never a bad time for it, one can hardly imagine a better time to take up macramé. (Joe)

—Since they won't have a chance to beat Wilt Chamberlain's record of 100 points in a game, try to break Wilt's record of banging 10,000 women. (Mike)

—It's been a few years since we had one of those Space Jam movies... (Jameson)

—Remind fans that in 2012, with the season canceled and the NBA Finals not even taking place, you finally have an excellent excuse for not winning a championship (LeBron James only). (Joe)

—Get an early start on those homemade Christmas gifts! Am I right, ladies? (Tenessa)

—Carry out al Qaeda's fatwa on David Letterman. (Mike)

—Wrap up last season's NBA playoffs. (Jameson)

—What's the current world record for number of dudes stuffed inside a Wendy's? (Brandon)

—Finally take the time to really listen to all the albums and resolve that Boston vs. Chicago rock-bands-named-after-a-city dispute once and for all. (Mike)

—Any given Kardashian. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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