POOP READING
Aug 12, 2011

"In God We Trust" is considered the official motto of the United States of America, and appears on all of its currency. But after Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S.'s credit rating and the stock market plunged into chaos, perhaps a revision is in order...

New Mottos for the U.S. in Light of the Credit Downgrade

—In China We Trust (Jameson)

—Come for the Freedom, Stay for the Crippling Partisan Gridlock! (Mike)

—E Pluribus Dumdum (Tenessa)

—Your Ad Here (Brandon)

—We're Pretty Sure We Can Gay-Marriage Our Way Out of This (Joe)

—That Others May Live to Default (Matt)

—What Would It Take for You to Leave Here Today with the Dakota of Your Choice? (Mike)

—236 Years: Not a Bad Run, When You Think About It (Jameson)

—Screw It, Let's All Get Boob Jobs and Penis Enlargements! (Tenessa)

—No More James Franco Hosting the Oscars, We Promise! (Mike)

—Gateway to Canada (Matt)

—Home of the Free Spenders, Land of Those Who Don't Save (Brandon)

—Still Leading the World in "Jim Bobs" (Joe)

—Everything Was Fine Until We Learned That Tiger Woods Will Fuck Anything That Moves (Mike)

—The Dollar Store of Countries (Matt)

—Hey, Brother, Can You Spare a Defense Department? (Jameson)

—We Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday for a Hamburger Today (Tenessa)

—Soon to Be China's Australia! (Mike)

—How Much Would You Consider Paying for a Statue of Liberty Handjob? (Matt)

—A Better Country Probably Wouldn't Have Crushed Louis C.K.'s Soul, Thus Denying Us One of the Best Shows on TV, So, You're Welcome, Everybody (Joe)

—An Open Border to Mexico! (Mike)

—Still the Country with the Biggest Penis-Shaped Peninsula (Matt)

—You Can Have Back Your Tired, Your Poor, and All Those Do-Nothing Huddled Masses (Jameson)

—In AllofMyMoneyUnderaMattressNexttoMeandMyShotgun We Trust (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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