Jul 1, 2011

Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the third movie in the Transformers franchise, opened this week to less-than-stellar reviews, as film critics found plenty of things to dislike...

Film Critic Complaints About Transformers: Dark of the Moon

—Too many Transformers. (Tenessa)

—The promotional fast food cup gave away 80% of the plot. (Jameson)

—Movie still gives no clue as to how the hell you're supposed to pronounce Shia LaBeouf's name. (Brandon)

—New physically-challenged Decepticon played by Daniel Day-Lewis is an obvious Oscar grab. (Mike)

—The 3-D glasses that came with the screening didn't transform into a gun to put everyone out of their misery. (Matt)

—Thought it was weird when several Transformers announced that they were joining the already-crowded GOP 2012 presidential race. (Joe)

—There are two or three frames in which the hot female lead's tits are not flashed in the most provocative possible manner, ruining the narrative structure completely. (Jameson)

—The soundtrack inexplicably includes "Sailing" by Christopher Cross and "Little Latin Lupe Lu" by The Kingsmen. (Tenessa)

—Subplot where Optimus Prime is revealed to have sent pictures of his robot junk to several female Autobots and is forced to step down from his leadership role felt pretty tacked on. (Brandon)

—Autobots totally ignore the War Powers Resolution. (Mike)

—When the credits said: "Based on the Play Uncle Vanya by Anton Chekov", it set up some expectations that were not well met. (Jameson)

—There's a Centrum Silverbot, and it rides on a rascal scooter. (Matt)

—Didn't need to see all the Transformers with "Joel Schumacher Directing Batman"-style metal nipples, that's for sure. (Joe)

—The decision to replace Megan Fox with Michael J. Fox was a big disappointment to the reviewers at Boner Magazine. (Tenessa)

—The silly Decepticon-moon-base plot is only going to confuse people about the actual sham moon landing. (Jameson)

—Frances McDormand/Megabot sex scene contains some of the most disturbing images ever recorded to film. (Brandon)

—Totally unrealistic new character Obamacon who transforms from a transcendent liberal leader to effective, uninspiring moderate. (Mike)

—Is it really that tough to put a gaybot in there somewhere? (Matt)

—The Decepticon robot Trumpzo was inordinately obsessed with Optimus Prime's place and date of manufacture. (Jameson)

—They apparently expect us to keep believing that a non-movie-star version of Shia LaBeouf could get chicks that hot. (Joe)

—When the Transformers change from their machine shapes to their humanoid shapes during the film's most climactic battle scene, pieces of them fall off and get lost under the couch. (Tenessa)

—Got bored every time a cut lasted more than 12-15 frames. (Jameson)

—The Decepticons lure the Autobots into a trap through a Craigslist ad. (Matt)

—Not really sure what Larry the Cable Guy as "Mater" was doing in the movie. (Joe)

—It exists. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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