Jan 21, 2011

Extreme weather has been in the news a lot lately, with massive rainstorms in California, a record number of tornadoes on New Year's Eve, historic flooding in Australia, and huge blizzards around the U.S. So what new weather anomalies might be in store for us in the year ahead?

Unusual Weather Events on Tap for 2011

—Purple Rain. (Brandon)

—Tequila Sunrise. (Tenessa)

—Unseasonable chill in Southern California whenever Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie bump into each other at awards shows. (Joe)

—The massive shit storm that's going to hit my house when the wife finds out I spent $2,700 on Jumanji movie memorabilia. (Matt)

—Sarah Palin's crocodile tears will flood large swaths of Real America, tragically drowning 85% of her supporters. (Mike)

—It's rainin' men. Hallelujah! (Tenessa)

—Flurries of "Real Housewives" to descend on major cities throughout the summer, keeping terrified citizens housebound. (Jameson)

—Instead of normal hurricanes, many East Coast cities will be bombarded by live performances of "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by the aging band Scorpions. (Brandon)

—Massive "douche cloud" over the New Jersey shore. (Joe)

—Showers of spittle and ranch dipping sauce for anyone sitting too close to Ruben Studdard at a picnic. (Jameson)

—Creedence Clearwater Revival will finally figure out who stopped the rain. Oddly enough, it turns out to be Brian Dennehy. (Tenessa)

—The sun and the moon will exert their gravitational pull on Bill O'Reilly's nutsack for claiming that God is the cause of ocean tides. (Mike)

—Scattered showers of dead birds over Arkansas and west Tennessee. (Jameson)

—Several days of golf ball-sized hail at The Masters in April will result in 72 holes-in-one, causing the PGA to award the green jacket to Jesus. (Brandon)

—I hear there's a tsunami of savings over at the Asian market on the corner. Does that count? (Tenessa)

—Beltway thunderstorms of partisan rhetoric through early 2012, to be followed by election attack ad flash flooding in the fall. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

© poopreading.com, all rights reserved – advertising info