Dec 10, 2010

Now that we're in December and temperatures around the country are dropping fast, people have been pulling their winter gear out of storage. And many have discovered some unexpected items in the process...

Surprising Things Found in the Pockets of Your Winter Coat

—Vanessa Redgrave. (Tenessa)

—An assortment of half-eaten meat pies. (Matt)

—The gloved hand of a TSA agent. (Joe)

—A pocket Bible signed by Henry Winkler?? What the...?? (Brandon)

—Barack Obama's balls. (Mike)

—Another winter coat. (Jameson)

—A receipt from Baby Gap. You don't even have a baby. You don't even know a baby. (Tenessa)

—Your children's letters to Santa that you kept meaning to throw in the garbage. (Matt)

—A hole large enough to slip your hand through, and a vague memory of attending a WNBA game while drunk. (Brandon)

—A grocery list written by your obese Uncle Chet containing only the phrase "Lots of mayonnaise." (Mike)

—The Edict of Nantes. So that's where it was! (Jameson)

—A handful of human teeth. (Tenessa)

—Something that is either a poop or an extra nutty Snickers bar. (Matt)

—Stamped envelopes containing your 2009 state and federal income tax returns. (Brandon)

—Ticket stub for Swing Vote that you were sure you had burned. (Mike)

—The heart pills that might've saved Grandpa. (Jameson)

—A fake Columbian passport, five kilos of cocaine, and a lot of blood. (Matt)

—Nine gloves, none of which match. (Tenessa)

—An old "To Do" list with a bunch of stuff on it that you never ended up accomplishing, you lazy son of a bitch. (Joe)

—A polaroid of you motorboating a cow's udders. (Matt)

—David Blaine. Fuckin' show-off. (Brandon)

—A wocket. An honest-to-goodness, goddamn wocket in your pocket. (Mike)

—A snotty tissue, a broken crayon, part of a Transformer, and a list of all the dreams you had before you had kids. (Tenessa)

—A screen capture of a topless Kathy Bates from About Schmidt. (Matt)

—A list of pros and cons you'd been making about whether to move to a warmer climate. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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