POOP READING
Oct 15, 2010

This week, 33 miners who were trapped in the Copiapů, Chile mining accident were freed, after spending 69 days stuck 2,300 feet under the earth in a 165 square foot shelter. And the question on everyone's mind is: how do you pass the time while trapped in an underground mine?

Ways to Pass the Time While Trapped in an Underground Mine

—Better get used to masturbating in front of a bunch of dudes. Yeah, that's right, "get used to" it. (Mike)

—If you've got some mushrooms, gold coins, and giant green pipes, you could do a lot worse than staging an elaborate recreation of Super Mario Bros. (Jameson)

—Using the mine's natural rhinestone deposits to accessorize your jeans. (Matt)

—Improvising scenes where you portray workers trapped in a different underground mine. (Brandon)

—If it weren't for the cruel linguistic irony involved, I'd suggest playing "Minesweeper." (Joe)

—I'm guessing you spend a fair amount of time gently sobbing. (Tenessa)

—Playing Whack-A-Mole (with real moles!). (Sean)

—Trying to think of a way that the Democrats can salvage this election cycle – that'll keep you occupied for years. (Mike)

—Epic air guitar jam sessions. (Matt)

—Rousing matches of Guess the Origin of That Festering Pustule. (Brandon)

—Forming a committee for designating someone to remember which corner is the poop corner, with a line of succession in case that guy dies or goes on vacation. (Jameson)

—Figuring out how you're going to explain your fourth mistress to your third mistress. (Tenessa)

—Texting Brett Favre photos of your mine-trapped cock. (Mike)

—Weighing the pros and cons of an all-witch Congress. (Matt)

—Primate-style grooming of each other's hair, beards, and pubes. (Brandon)

—Um, mining? I don't want to sound like a dick, but if you've got all the tools, and you're already down there with not much else to do during regular work hours... (Joe)

—Thinking about how you will pass the time later when you are trapped in a rescue vehicle that gets stuck on its way out of the underground mine. (Mike)

—Ranking each other in terms of pluckiness and aplomb. (Matt)

—Playing the children's game Telephone, but using only anguished prayers for a swift and painless death. (Brandon)

—This may be the best opportunity you ever have to stage a reenactment of The Core. (Jameson)

—Walking a mile in the Mole People's shoes. Makes you think. (Tenessa)

—Collecting coal to put in the stockings of your ungrateful children at Christmas. (Matt)

—Wasn't most of According to Jim written and filmed while trapped in an underground mine? (Brandon)

—All sorts of pranks, goofs, antics, hijinks, and larks. But no ruses. God help you if you try to pull a ruse. (Matt)

—Training yourself NOT to, in the heat of the moment, long after your rescue, say "Oh yeah? Well, I wish I was back in the mine!" to your wife. (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Sean Hecht, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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