Oct 29, 2010

It's Halloween again, and perhaps it's time to take a second look at some things that just don't sound quite right...

Halloween Activities That Sound Like Sexual Euphemisms

—Wrapping up the mummy and jamming it in the coffin. (Matt)

—Sticking your hand in a kid's pumpkin to give him a Butterfinger. (Tenessa)

—Painting the wart on the witch's nose. (Jameson)

—Shoving a candle in the ol' jack-o-lantern's mouth. (Mike)

—Getting your hands on some Mounds and Almond Joy. (Brandon)

—TP'ing the neighbor's back porch. (Joe)

—Letting some Pop Rocks fizz in your mouth. (Matt)

—Giving a Twizzler to the adorable little beaver down the street. (Tenessa)

—Whipping out your extra-large popcorn balls. (Brandon)

—Covering your Granny Smith in caramel. (Matt)

—Sneaking next door to get some candy on the sly. (Tenessa)

—Beating off the multitude of strangers who keep coming to your house begging for a treat. (Matt)

—Dressing up as a sexy witch and letting everyone pet your fluffy black pussy. (Tenessa)

—Peeling off the Nixon mask. (Mike)

—Letting trick or treaters come in your back door. (Matt)

—Begging your boyfriend to give you his Mr. Goodbar. (Tenessa)

—Pulling out Old Boney for all the neighbors to see. (Brandon)

—Going to the back room of Halloween Express to get a Hawaiian leis from the store manager. (Matt)

—Moaning and groaning under a sheet. (Tenessa)

—Grabbing your friend's orange glowstick and jerking it around until it pops. (Matt)

—Dumping your load on the living room floor to see what you've got. (Tenessa)

—Holding onto your candy sack. (Jameson)

—Asking everyone to see how many Peeps they can fit in your mouth before you gag. (Matt)

—Stoking the bonfire in your girlfriend's backyard. (Tenessa)

—Dropping a load of Milky Way into someone's goodie bag. (Brandon)

—Dressing up in your Spiderman costume and slinging webs all over your bedroom walls. (Matt)

—Opening your front door for Hannah Montana. (Tenessa)

—Sharing your sweet booty with all of your friends. (Brandon)

—Putting white streaks in the Bride of Frankenstein's hair. (Tenessa)

—Ding Dong Ditch. (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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