Mar 19, 2010

The Ten Commandments are one of the most well-known texts from biblical history, and are often considered to be part of the moral foundation of several religions. But very few people are aware of the commandments that were left off the list...

Moral Imperatives That Didn't Make the Cut for the Ten Commandments

—A man shall not lie down with another man, unless that other man is also fabulous. (Mike)

—Thou shalt not leave the toilet seat up. (Tenessa)

—When writing a list of items in series, thou shalt include a comma before the conjunction or face eternal damnation. (Jameson)

—Hey! You see that? That thing, right there? Well... stay offa that! (Joe)

—Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain, unless it be during epic sex, in which case I totally understand. (Matt)

—While there are no other gods before me, Tom Hanks is pretty fucking awesome. (Mike)

—Thou shalt not drop your favorite band just because other people start hearing about them. (Jameson)

—Don't sweat the petty stuff... and don't pet the sweaty stuff. (Joe)

—Thou shalt not lie down with Leno on thy bedroom TV. (Brandon)

—DON'T EVEN. (Tenessa)

—Honor thy father and mother by giving gifts of Foreman grilling. (Matt)

—Thy Minnesota Vikings will eclipse initial expectations, raise everybody's hopes, and then make a series of ridiculous mistakes that screw everything up at the worst possible time, causing Vikings fans to cry out in My name. (Mike)

—If thy movie doesn't need Jude Law in it, don't put Jude Law in it. (Jameson)

—No fat chicks. (Joe)

—He who smelt it, dealt it. (Tenessa)

—Thou shalt stop fighting, or I swear I shalt turn this car around and nobody gets fudgesicles! (Jameson)

—You must be at least this tall to ride the Cyclone. (Joe)

—Be suspicious of men who spell "Glen" as "Glenn." (Mike)

—Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy: you don't work, you don't drive a car, you don't fucking ride in a car, you don't handle money, you don't turn on the oven, and you sure as shit don't fucking roll! (Tenessa)

—Do not worship false Idols, for they will never make it into the semifinals. (Matt)

—Thou shalt not refer to thyself as a "foodie," unless thou wishes to sound like a douche. (Jameson)

—Puttest thine "i" before thine "e," accepting only whence they cometh after "c". (Joe)

—Yeah yeah, I am the Lord thy God, blah blah blah... look, if there's one thing I want you to remember, it's this: toilet paper should always be hung in the overhand fashion. (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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