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Baron von Funny

Sports

Feb 19, 2010

The 2010 Winter Olympics are in full swing in Vancouver, with audiences around the world enjoying figure skating, skiing, hockey, and even curling. But thanks to the International Olympic Committee, there are many more events that will never see the light of day...

Rejected Winter Olympics Events

—Death Luge (Jameson)

—Cross-Country Peeing (Mike)

—Competitive Seasonal Affective Disorder (Tenessa)

—Attempting to Keep a Straight Face While Listening to Canadians Try to Talk Like Regular People (Joe)

—Taking Out the Garbage on a Slippery Driveway (Matt)

—Let's Put a Bunch of Horses on Skis and See What Happens (Brandon)

—Guess the Incapacitating Lindsey Vonn Injury (Jameson)

—The "Sorry I Banged All Those Ladies" Short and Long Programs (Tiger Woods only) (Mike)

—Pocket Hockey (Tenessa)

—Caribou Seduction (Joe)

—Freestyle Rap Skiing (Matt)

—Pin the Tail on Rick Moranis (Jameson)

—Sitting Around a Table Trying to Figure Out What the Hell Is Happening on Lost (Mike)

—500-meter Speed Skating Across a Frozen-But-Just-Starting-to-Thaw Lake (Brandon)

—Alabama Legsweep (Jameson)

—Bisexualathlon (Mike)

—Kicking Those Creepy, Grey Ice Chunks Off the Tire Wells of a Car (Tenessa)

—Synchronized "Writing Your Name" in the Snow (Joe)

—Judgmental Couch Potato Insult Hurling (Matt)

—700-meter Freestyle Burt Reynolds Impersonation (Jameson)

—Slow Skating (Mike)

—Panicking Shrilly and Shutting Down All Public Activity When So Much as an Inch of Snow Falls in a Warm Climate (Tenessa)

—Field Hockey, But on Ice (Joe)

—15k Hypothermic Wander Through the Woods (Matt)

—Straightening: Curling's Ugly Cousin (Mike)

—Bob Costas Metaphor Unraveling Rodeo (Jameson)

—Disney Princesses on Ice (Tenessa)

—Tongue-on-Frozen-Metal Tug of War (Joe)

—The Excruciatingly Long Human Interest Feature (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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