May 29, 2009

The current ad campaign for Dos Equis beer is built around the adventures of a mysterious gray-bearded man, the so-called Most Interesting Man in the World. Footage of his exploits is accompanied by voiced-over one-liners extolling his greatness. But the wonders of The Most Interesting Man in the World can't be contained in just a couple of TV ads...

Additional Details About Dos Equis's Most Interesting Man in the World

—His sweat makes a light gravy suitable for use on chicken, pheasant, and duck. (Brandon)

—He once arm-wrestled a bear on top of Mt. McKinley and won the right to mate with its sow. (Matt)

—In most cultures, a photograph or drawing of him is considered legal tender. (Jameson)

—He once punched a man so hard that the man's brother died. (Mike)

—He has not only made love to women on all seven continents, he's made love to the continents themselves. (Brad)

—He is only slightly more interesting than the second most interesting man in the world: Senator Jeff Merkley (D, OR). (Joe)

—His penis once gave a keynote address at the United Nations. (Brandon)

—Despite his many powers, there's nothing he can do about Mexican drinking water. (Mike)

—He owns the troposphere, having won it in a high-stakes baccarat game in 1979. (Jameson)

—He served as the inspiration for the musical "Cats" during a brief period where he communed with a pack of feral cats. (Matt)

—He's the only man Bill Clinton ever tried to seduce. (Mike)

—He bakes award-winning pies using only his feet. (Brandon)

—If his social security number is spoken aloud, it will bring any woman within earshot to instantaneous orgasm. (Jameson)

—The only thing in the world in which he himself is uninterested? Stamp collecting. (Joe)

—He once pretended not to "get" a Dennis Miller reference in order to exchange a knowing glance with a stranger. (Mike)

—Unless you are constantly vigilant, he will poop in your fridge. (Brandon)

—He is the only person who knows what the second X in Dos Equis stands for. (Jameson)

—His touch has been known to give sight to the blind and to blind the sighted. (Matt)

—When a tree falls in the forest, it calls out to him. (Mike)

—His beard can sense the nearby presence of danger (though sometimes it's just fudge). (Brandon)

—His lovers' cervixes must be insured with Lloyd's of London, due to his unstoppable ejaculatory force. (Jameson)

—He's a surprisingly poor tipper. (Mike)

—He once kicked a soccer ball so hard it sent Pele back in time. (Matt)

—He has taught philosophy, judo, tai chi, and bear fighting. (Instructing humans how to defend themselves from bears, and also teaching bears how better to attack humans.) (Jameson)

—He doesn't need Rapunzel to let down her hair, he grows his up. (Mike)

—His pubic hair has the majestic sheen of a puma's coat. (Matt)

—He has never tasted cantaloupe... or defeat. (Joe)

—While he doesn't always hang out at home, when he does, he prefers "chillaxing" in his sweats with an orange Fanta while laughing himself silly watching his collection of Two and a Half Men DVDs. (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

© poopreading.com, all rights reserved – advertising info