Mar 6, 2009

The Barbie doll turns 50 on March 9th, and to mark the occasion, Mattel is releasing a new reproduction of the original 1959 doll. Over the years, Barbie has had numerous iterations, including Gold Medal Gymnast Barbie, WNBA Barbie, and even Presidential Candidate Barbie. But not all Barbie models were successful...

Least Popular Versions of the Barbie Doll

—Stained-Dress Intern Barbie (Joe)

—Assaulted By Chris Brown Barbie (Mike)

—Golddigger Barbie (FAO Schwartz exclusive 2-pak with 95-Year-Old-Billionaire-In-A-Coma Ken) (Sean)

—Heavy Menstrual Flow Barbie (Matt)

—Gloria Steinem Barbie (Protests her own existence!) (Jameson)

—Gateway Drug Barbie (Complete with bong and secret pot stash; crack sold separately several months later) (Brandon)

—Botched Plastic Surgery Barbie (Brad)

—Pregnant With My Husband's Best Friend's Baby Barbie (Mike)

—Disenfranchised Immigrant Worker Barbie (Matt)

—Dirty Hippie Barbie (With real rooted armpit hair!) (Sean)

—Supply Closet Handjob Barbie (Brandon)

—HazMat Cleanup Barbie (Jameson)

—Barbie Streisand (To be fair, this doll remains enormously popular among aging gays) (Joe)

—Breast Reduction Surgery Barbie (Mike)

—Irritable Bowel Syndrome Barbie (Matt)

—Frightened of Mexicans Barbie (Sean)

—Acting Head of FEMA Barbie (Brandon)

—Multiple Orgasm Barbie (Complete with unrealistic expectations!) (Jameson)

—Celebrity Nipple Slip Barbie (Now with lower cut dress and missing underwear!) (Matt)

—Cottage Cheese Thighs Barbie (Mike)

The Crying Game Barbie (Sean)

—Let's Go Dumpster Diving Barbie (Brandon)

—Glass Ceiling Barbie (Matt)

—Field Dress a Moose Barbie (Complete with organ harvesting gloves!) (Mike)

—1970s "Natural Bush" Barbie (Jameson)

—Mafioso Barbie (Now with detachable horse head!) (Sean)

—Madonna Pilates Barbie (Complete with weird, gross, ropey arm muscles!) (Joe)

—Slumdog Barbie (Brandon)

—Participant Ribbon Barbie (Mike)

—Mommy Is Transgender Now Barbie (Matt)

Baron von Contributors: Sean Hecht, Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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