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Baron von Funny

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Oct 31, 2008

It's Halloween again, time for neighborhoods filled with boys and girls looking for free treats. But there are a few items the kids hope not to find in their goodie bags...

Least Popular Halloween Treats for 2008

—Boxed set of Arli$$ DVDs. (Jameson)

—Gummi-Bidens. (Joe)

—Angry leaflets from the McCain campaign about the evils of redistributing candy wealth. (Jameson)

—KFC Gravy Squeezers. (Brandon)

—Secret Muslim Bars ("Now with more Koran flavor!"). (Mike)

—"The Clear for Kids" dissolving tongue strips. (Brad)

—Newman's Own sugar-coated bits of freeze-dried Paul Newman. (Jameson)

—Reese's Peanut Butter Cunts. (Brandon)

—Authentic Wasilla moose jerky. (Jameson)

—Razor blades with Milky Way bars hidden inside of them. (Joe)

—Deck of playing cards with pictures of hedge fund managers and bank CEOs on them. (Jameson)

—A tear-stained Huckabee '08 button. (Mike)

—ChocoNutWadz, Pfizer's over-the-counter Snickers substitute for peanut-allergic children. (Jameson)

—Teeth that fell out of John McCain's mouth. (Mike)

—S&Ms. (Jameson)

—Vladimir Putin posable action figure ("Now with human rights violations grip!"). (Brad)

—Koosh balls. Hey, remember Koosh balls? (Jameson)

—Pink slip from Daddy's office. (Mike)

—Extra nutty Obama hope muffins. (Brandon)

—Salinity Now! brand taffy-free saltwater taffy. (Jameson)

—A 45-minute DVD of Tim McCarver explaining why a fat guy shouldn't bunt. (Mike)

—A three-hour long harangue about Jesus. (Joe)

—Oreos n' Salsa. (Jameson)

—State of the Economy Bars (just a shiny, empty wrapper). (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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